


Rotten

by WinchesterNimrod



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga), Death Note: Another Note
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Gore, Dark Character, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Instability, Other, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Serial Killers, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-03-01 03:34:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13286139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinchesterNimrod/pseuds/WinchesterNimrod
Summary: Kaito was like a cat, L thought, indifferent to the harm he's caused. Unmoved. Unfeeling. He may not be Kira, but he was just as deadly.





	1. Introduction: Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so firstly, I have deleted my past account because I really wanted to start anew this year. Secondly, this story was originally titled 'Unbalanced Minds'. 
> 
> And lastly, I hope you enjoy this story. Please leave a comment below (:

 

._._._.

"There were a billion lights out there on the horizon and I knew that all of them put together weren't enough to light the darkness in the hearts of some men."

― Michael Connelly, The Scarecrow

._._._.

Kai flicks his cigarette over the windowsill. Watching as the red ember of the bud slowly dies out against the heavy rain. ' _How fitting,_ ' Kai thinks.

 _Thud_.

" _Get up!"_

He sighs and leans against the windowsill, listening to the wind rattle trees. Leaves scraping against each other and branches creak and scratch the side of his house. He shivers when spits of rain begin hitting his pale skin.

Digging into his pocket, he brings out a packet of cigarettes and bumps one up to the top. Places it in his mouth and fishes for his zippo lighter.

" _I come home after six years and find out you've been fucking other men?! For **money?!"**_

" _What else could I have done! Get a normal job? Ha! You have a reputation in Japan, nobody would hire me!"_

For a moment he thinks that maybe he should call Yagami-san, that's what a good person would do when their Tou-san is beating their Kaa-san, but he quickly decides against it. It would only cause more issues to arise, like why he didn't call the police the moment his Tou-san showed up on the doorstep when he was supposed to be 100 yards away. Why he didn't call them the second his fist hit his Kaa-san - or when he heard the first scream.

He could. He could call the police right now, and when they ask those questions he could just spin them some pretty lies.

Kai takes out his lighter and flicks it on.

Then again…

" _You worthless bitch!"_

…his Tou-san's anger wasn't being directed at him right now. If he went in to stop him, then he'd get injured.

Kai couldn't have that. If someone lashes out at him right now, he doesn't know if he could stop himself from doing permanent damage. It would be a major set back in all the self-control he's been practicing.

"Gomen, Kaa-san," Kai says softly when he hears a terrible little whimper in the next room. He feels nothing. "You must understand though." She doesn't, he knows it. She's never understood him. She never understood his fascination with death, with blood, why pain makes him feel so very alive. She thought he was a freak. A monster.

Well…she's not wrong with the monster front. He's certainly not naïve.

He is a monster. A very violent one, at that – but he's learning how to contain that dark side of him. Learning how to manage his urges. Having rules to keep him appearing normal, to keep him from being a slave to his compulsions.

It was just  _unlucky_ , he supposed, that tonight of all nights Tou-san came back from prison knowing how unfaithful his wife was.

_How unlucky._

Kai smirks.

._._._.

_When Kai was young, he liked to watch people._

_He found it interesting, how they were different from him._ **_Normal_ ** _. And tried to imitate them – Am I normal now? Kaa-san, am I normal now? Is this better? Will you love me now? - it never worked. Being normal wasn't in his nature. Soon enough, he found himself envying the people around him. Why could they be so open and not judged? Why was he so different? In the end he blended into the crowd, became the outsider, a freak in his own right. Alone._

_Then he saw him._

_Yagami Light._

_On orientation day of Junior High, Kai saw a wolf in sheep's clothing._

_The way he smiled, talked, complimented and laughed. It was all so fake. Fake fake FAKE. The mask the child wore was covered in perfection; there were no cracks or weak points. It was a mask Kai wasn't able to make._

_He wanted to break it._

._._._.

He pretends to not notice the bruises next morning at breakfast. Pretends to not notice broken glass in the bin, how there is one lamp in the room instead of two.

"How's Tou-san?" He asks calmly as he ate his rice.

It was suddenly very quiet.

Kaa-san's eyes fly to his. Her body coiled and unmoving, resembling a cornered animal. He loved it.

"You…" She whispers, eyes showing a rush of understanding. "You told him about my job…"

"Hmm, maybe," Kai says softly, head tilted in mock concentration. "Who knows?"

Tears leaked in her ugly bruised eyes. "Why?" She chokes, as though the action pained her. ' _It might have,_ ' Kai thinks, ' _who knows what Tou-san did to her_.' She looked beaten and withered, as though she had come back from a war. "Why would you do that? You know how he is! He could have ki – " She lets out another terrible whimper, shoulders trembling as she remembered last night. His anger, his shouting, the accusations. Her mouth rambles, unintelligible words pouring into the room as Kai continues to eat.

After a minute, his fingers twitch around the chopsticks.

Her whining was quickly getting on Kai's nerves.

"I know  _exactly_  what he's like, dear Kaa-san," he interrupts with an icy stare. "Or have you forgotten how he punished me as a child, how you stood to the side and did  _nothing_!" Slamming his fists on the table, Kai shoots up from his seat. Eyes burning the woman opposite him. "Maybe I did call Tou-san one evening to tell him about your escorting job, or maybe I didn't. But you have to ask yourself this, my dear Kaa-san." He leans forwards on his hands, towering over her with a vicious smile. And Kai purrs: "What are you planning to do tonight when he comes back?" When her skin turns a satisfying white, Kai pushes away and loops his backpack over a shoulder, walking out.

Hopefully the rest of the day won't be as irritating.

._._._.

_He watches Yagami for weeks. He couldn't stop himself. The more he observed the more he found himself interested in the other boy. That perfect smile and attitude, it both aggravated and fascinated Kai._

_He watches, and waits. Waiting for the boy to slip up, to prove that he wasn't perfect. That was just as broken and irretrievably twisted as he was._

_He follows him everywhere. He knows where he goes, what he does, who he talks to, what he eats, his allergies...he wanted to know what made the Yagami Light tick. He wanted to know if he was like himself._

_It was when he witnessed Yagami Light butcher a stray dog, that Kai knew for sure…_

_He wasn't alone._

._._._.

Before Kai could even press the doorbell the door is ripped open. Startled, Kai jumps back as he's hit with the weight of a child. He stumbles a bit and looks down to see Sayu.

"Maa, Sayu-chan~" He moans, trying to peel her off by the shoulders. It was when he hears something resembling a sob that Kai pauses.

He stares at her, amazed at his misfortune. First Kaa-san and now Sayu. Why was everyone crying today?

Quickly, Kai pulls on his happy smile. For some reason, seeing children upset unsettled him. Maybe it was their unfathomable innocence or their genuine personality. That they believe everyone is good, even the monsters.

"Hey, now, what's wrong? Did Light refuse to do your math homework again?" This gets him a chocked laugh out of her.

"Otou-san got a call today from the Police station saying  _that man_  got released from prison last night! And when you didn't arrive here on time we all thought something – that he might have - " Her voice cracks and tears well up in her eyes. Kai mentally curses, fluttering his hands awkwardly around the child.

"Sayu! Behave yourself."

Kai looks up to see Yagami Sachiko rushing over, a worried look glazed over in her eyes as she stares at him. For a terrified second he thinks she's about to hug him as well, but she just stands there in the doorway. Gaze pinning him to the spot. Taking him in.

It takes a moment for him to realize she's checking for any injuries.

"Morning, Okaa-san." He says the same time Sayu cries out, "But Okaa-san ~  _that man's_  back and Kai-nii is – "

" _Enough_ , Sayu." The woman shushes her quickly, and with the ease of somebody who's done it a thousand times, peels Sayu from Kai's body like she was a misbehaving kitten. "We're not going to talk about  _that man_  any more. Think about how Kaito-kun must be feeling right now."

Sayu's eyes bug. "Oh."

"Aah," Kai pats the guilty looking girl on the head. "I'm  _fine_. Sayu-chan was just concerned. Knowing she was was worried about me makes me all warm and tingly inside." To prove his point he indulgently hugs Sayu, sending his best smile to Sachiko. He's gotten better at displaying physical affection since he's met Light.

It seems he was convincing enough as the woman presses her lips into a thin line, trying to hide her amusement at seeing an indignantly squealing Sayu.

" _Oi!_  Why are you hugging  _me?! I'm_  the one that should be hugging  _you_.  _You're_  the sad one!"

"Maa, who says I'm sad?"

"I can see it! I  _know_  these things Kai-kun –  _Gah!_  Stop hugging me!"

After letting Sayu struggle some more, Kai releases her and makes sure to laugh at the disgruntled expression.

"Well, Sayu I hope you're feeling better." Sachiko tells the huffing girl. "And Kaito-kun, have you eaten? Light will be down in a short second if you'd like to wait in the kitchen."

Translation: he doesn't have any choice in the matter.

The woman eyes him like a Military General until he says, "aah, I already had breakfast with Kaa-san but since it's cold out it'd be nice to sit in a cozy room for a while. Thank you."

Sachiko puffs up. "Nonsense." Waving him inside, Kai slips his shoes off at the doorway and steps into the slippers the Yagami's keep for him.

Once at the table, Sachiko pours him some tea which Kai gratefully accepts. Blowing on the tea, Kai mindfully ignores their burning stares. ' _Honestly,_ ' he thinks, ' _I feel like I'm about to be interrogated for a crime I didn't commit._ '

"Why's Light taking so long?" Kai finally asks, "I'm late and he's still not ready."

Sayu lets out an obnoxiously loud groan. "He stayed up late last night studying. Again."

"That boy." Sachiko mutters with a fond smile. "Always working hard." Her head suddenly snaps to Sayu with an accusing stare. "You should take a note or two from your Nii-chan. Always sitting in front of the television watching that drama of yours with that awful Idol actor."

Sayu looks as though she had been slapped, "a- _awful_ …?" Like a light was switched her expression turns murderous. Kai leans back and happily sipped his tea as the two playfully argued. All topics of his Tou-san gone from the table.

A minute or two pass before Kai hears footsteps enter the room.

Light sighs. "Are you two arguing about that Ryūga guy again?" Kai's ears perk up.

"Again?"

Light flops down in the seat next to him and snatches his tea. Taking a long sip before answering, "they've been at it since that damned drama started."

"When was that?"

"Three weeks ago." Kai notices the pained tone and flashes a charming smile. "You take pleasure in my pain don't you?"

"Immensely."

Light snorts and finishes off Kai's tea. "We'll be off now, Okaa-san."

"You boys better stay warm now. I heard on the radio this morning that today will be a cold one."

"Hai."

._._._.

_Kai watches Light - he's always watching Light - stares at the deceased dog in the alleyway, hands tainted red. He smirks and strolls out of his hiding place._

_He's gotten what he needed._

" _Aah," he sighs, startling Light from his crouched position. "You cut too deeply, blood's getting everywhere. I think I have some tissues in my backpack if you want to clean up?" Heading over to Light who was now quickly getting up, Kai reaches into his backpack and fumbles around for the packet of tissues._

" _Wha – you…What are you doing here?" Light asks nervously, stumbling upright on his feet and looking around to check if anyone else was around. No point, it was just the two of them._

_Kai had made sure of that._

_Kai ignores him and cries in delight as he finds the packet. Ripping it open and handing Light a tissue. Hesitantly, the boy accepts it and wipes his hands. They were still red._

_Blood doesn't clean so easily, Kai knows from experience._

" _I didn't hurt it." Light insists. Tone filled with perfected sadness. How many times has Light practiced in the mirror? "It was like that when I found it."_

" _No need to lie, Light-kun~" Kai hums and jerks his head towards the dissected body of the dog. "I saw you do it." Slowly, Light turns to face him, and stills when their eyes meet. Soft brown meeting icy black. Different in colour but the same, somehow. It was unnerving. "I understand perfectly."_

_Light looks suspicious. "You do?"_

" _I can't help myself either." He smiles, it was a creepy_ _little_ _thing. All twisted and out of place. As though someone had carved it into his face. "We're the same, you and I." He leans in, "I've been watching you for some time and – "_

" _Wait," Light interrupts coolly, "_ ** _you're_** _my stalker?"_

_Kai hisses. Rearing back and bobbing on his heels._

" _Stalking is such a strong word, don't you think?" Light stared. "Okay, so, yes I've been stalking you and I'm not convinced of your act. Not one bit."_

_The boy glares, mask dropping entirely. "Tell me then Stalker-san, why not?"_

" _Ooh~" Kai chuckles. "Not appreciating you've been found out, are you? Then, Light-kun~, you're not going to like what I have to say next," Light's eyes narrow. "I knew you weren't normal the day I saw you._ ** _I knew you were a monster like I am_** _."_

_He knew it was coming the moment he spoke. Light pounces on him, hands wrapped around his neck and he pushes him against the alley wall. There's a tiny bit of pressure on his throat, not enough to kill or bruise, but enough to make him gag._

_Kai laughs._

" _I'm not a monster." Light growls. Feral._

_Still laughing, Kai says, "oh but you are, Light-kun. If you weren't, you wouldn't have killed the dog." Among other things._

_Light flashes him a textbook smile. "I told you, I found it like that."_

_"Aah, there you go again. Slipping up. You called the dog an 'it'. Normal people don't call dead animals an 'it', Light-kun~ They have empathy. Remember that next time you get curious about how an animal looks like on the inside and decide to play operation." Light jerks back, scowling at his mistakes being pointed out so clearly._

_Kai, breathes, examining him closely. Stained hands, messy hair and furious eyes….he looked gorgeous. Kai loved it. He broke the fascade._

_He's one step closer to ruining him._

" _Fine!" Light throws his hands up. "I killed the stupid dog. But if you dare tell anyone I'll – "_

" _Oh trust me." Kai snickers at the implication. "I won't tell. As long as you won't tell on me, of course." He strides forward, shoving the tissue packet into Light's hands._

_There's a pause of silence, and Kai could feel Light examining him like a scientist with a new specimen._

" _Like me, eh?" The boy mutters, as though the thought were foreign. Never considered._

" _Like you." Kai nods._

_Another pause, and Light's shoulders relax._

" _What's your name then, Stalker-san?"_

_Kai gives him his own textbook smile. A smile that should never be seen on a child._

" _Hase Kaito. But you can call me, Kai."_

._._._.

When they begin the trek to school, Light asks a question Kai knew he was aching to ask.

"Your Tou-san came last night didn't he? Like you expected he would."

Kai smiles big, crooked and all teeth. Light didn't like it when he wore the social mask they have both gotten accustomed to wearing.

"Maa, you're not wrong."

Light gives him a look. "Going by your reaction something good must have happened."

"Well, Karma is a bitch."

"...is your Kaa-san still breathing?"

"Last I checked."

"Shame."

"Aah."

._._._.

 


	2. Introduction: Part 2

 

._._._.

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."

\- Mark Twain

._._._.

There was a rumor going around school about someone doing science assignments for money. Of course, there was no proof to this claim, Kai made sure of that.

"It was only a matter of time," Light says when the two of them are alone on the roof. It was lunchtime and Hisoka and Ushio had just left to track down more information on the rumor for their school newspaper.

Light jabs Kai in the shoulder with the end of his chopstick, dissaproving, "you weren't exactly being subtle."

"It was good money and an interesting pastime, " Kai replies with a defensive swat. " _Aah_ , and~, it was a lovely distraction from setting things on fire," he smirks, adds with mock gravity, "For example your insanely neat hair - which by the way is absolutely  _criminal_."

"There is nothing wrong with a little self-care."

Pointedly staring at Kai's messy locks.

He rolls his eyes, " _please,_  for the love of Jesus and Buddha don't try to tame my mane again. Last time you put gel in it I looked like I was from the Yakuza." With a firm look, he declares, "my hair is a natural mess."

Light glares, "like your future."

Kai couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that.

"Hmm, care to illuminate me on why you're so grumpy today?"

"You're above me in Science."

Ah.

"Don't tell me you're still sore about that."

Light flicks at piece of rice at his head. Kai picks it out and eats it.

"You're great at physics," Light explains reluctantly, "so great you've decided to do other people's assignments for money. If you chose to, you could get accepted into To-Oh University majoring in Physics." He stares at Kai with a little confusion. As though he were a puzzle with a piece that was missing. "But you're not."

"Spot-on."

"Why?"

Kai looks at him. He looks back.

"I don't want to major in something I'm not passionate about. What's the point of that? My life would be so boring, and you know I hate being bored."

"Teaching children taekwondo isn't meant for you. You have the potential for something far greater- we both are. "

The way he said it, like stating a simple fact, made him smile. It sounded like a wonderful fantasy to believe in. Being meant for something, like Fate or Destiny. King Arthur and Merlin.

Like they weren't just some insignificant speck in the makings of the universe - which was forever expanding and forever creating new galaxies. When compared to the stars in the sky, the planets which we orbit and Miley Way we inhabit - you begin to realise how…small humans are.

And how pathetic they are.

Fate? Destiny?

Kai doesn't believe in such semantics. Settling against the fence blocking the edge of the roof, he sighs. Deciding to humour Light.

"Then tell me Light, what is this 'far greater'?"

Light goes silent for a moment, and all Kai could hear was the chatter of student gossip below them. Probably trying to figure out who was doing homework for money and if they should risk paying the mysterious do-gooder.

Do-gooder, what a laugh.

Kai has a suspicion on who ratted him out to the principle, for now he won't do anything. Not because he doesn't want to - the itch under his skin thirsting to destroy roars in his hears - but it's simply because he can't. He's already got the homeroom teacher watching his every move (some people are just born with a higher sense of danger than others). And he's got the rules Light gave him to follow. To try and 'fit in'.

But…

He could probably corner the rat in an empty classroom, back alley, somewhere private so just the two of us can chat. Just chat. That's all. No violence, he swears.

Idiot.

Kai shouldn't risk it. Just this morning he didn't trust himself enough to be alone with his own mother. Being in the same breathing distance with a person who wronged him - Kai closes his eyes and the image of his rat -  _my victim_ and doesn't that have such a nice ring to it? _-_ her blood gently flowing down her throat, coating his hands and washing his face. It was comforting.

It shouldn't be comforting.

_Dammit._

Breathing deeply Kai listens to the world around him and nearly misses what Light has to say:

"Something…different."

._._._.

_Like Newton's laws of motion, Light and Kai had laws of behavior._

_Law A: Never harm an animal._

_Law B: Never watch people [this includes: stalking and/or threatening people]._

_Law C: Manage triggers._

_Law D: Smile._

._._._.

Being a taekwondo instructor isn't really how Kai imagined his teenage years to go - but it was definitely better than the alternatives. When he was a seven, Kai began to notice that his notion of 'fun' was different from others his age. While his next door neighbour played with hot-wheels and watched sailor moon, he was busy examining road kill and their intestines.

As he grew, Kai knew his future was bleak. That either he was going to get caught one day and shipped off to a mental facility, or become a serial killer like Ted Bundy. Life as a serial killer didn't sound so bad once he actually began to watch crime documentaries and note down ways he'd do it better.

But then he met another monster. An infuriatingly  _clean_  monster.

From then on his life took a distinct turn for either better or worse. It really depends on his mood. On the good days he can't imagine his life without Light, how secure he feels about his position in life. He's got a job - something to vent his frustrations out on - and doing okay with his education.

On the bad days though…

His bad days are intoxicating.

The days where his mind conjures gory, beautiful images of the people he goes to school with - underneath him, squirming, pleading and screaming as he runs his blade across their throat. He watches them bleed, chest heaving as they die, covering the floor in an almost glittery shiny red.

Days like that…it's hard to be around Light without letting him know just how twisted he really is. How broken and lost he is. How terrified and excited he is to break those little rules he's assigned himself to.

Sometimes, Kai wonders whether he's just ignoring the inevitable. One day he'll break and his true nature will present itself to the world. His horrifying smile will be planted on news stations and police boxes and everyone will know his name.

He'll be put down in the history books as the youngest serial killer in history.

How delightful.

Shoving himself out of his musings, Kai bows to his little students. Signalling the end of the taekwondo lesson. He spends the next ten minutes saying goodbyes, and praising parents of their children's progress. Always making sure to smile.

[Smiling lures people in, relaxes them and makes them feel at ease.]

He's a very convincing monster.

"I'll be going now Aoi-sensei," Kai says after changing out of his gear. "Remember to pick your wife up some flowers on the way home. I heard from Yuki-chan'ss Okaa-san that she's been a bit put out with you working such long hours here."

Aoi slaps him good-naturedly on the back.

"Always looking out for me, aren't ya Kaito-kun?"

Kai sheepishly rubs the back of his neck.

"Somebody has to look out for you Oji-san."

He guffaws with a belly laugh, "have a good night, Kaito-kun."

Kai makes sure to nod and slip away quickly before Aoi could get in another word. The man had a bad habit of making small talk like a lonely housewife. It was a good sign that he's had nailed the head on people management, but the bitter thing about playing a kind person was that people always had an annoying assumption of him being happy to listen to their rants about the unfairness of life.

There's a fine line between being nice and being a pushover.

And Kai was neither.

._._._.

Kai freezes at the foot of his driveway. A Chevy Impala was parked outside his garage.

He knew who the owner of the vehicle was.

Feeling his cellphone vibrate in his pocket. Kai pulls it out and flips it open, never taking his eyes off the car. It looked exactly like how his Tou-san left it.

Shiny and pompous.

He never gets to properly open his mouth before being cut off.

" _Kaito-kun! Where are you? Are you safe?"_

"Yagami-san?" He murmurs, authentically confused. "Uh, I'm fine? I'm walking up to my house right now, I just finished my taekwondo class." He slowly backs away from his house, feeling no inclination to see his Tou-san right now. "Why? Is something wrong?"

There's a pause,  _"your Tou-san failed to report to his patrol officer today. Nobody's been able to locate him since."_

Kai glances at the Chevy-Impala, counting to five to make his response sounded genuine, "What do you mean?"

" _Kaito-kun this is important, I need you to grab your Kaa-san and head to my house and wait there._ "

"I, uh,  _why_? What's wrong, do you think he'll come here?"

Kai's almost past his letter box when the front door to his house opens.

Tou-san.

A sound breaks from his mouth. A laugh? A whimper?

" _Kaito-kun?"_

The pain of knuckles against his jaw.

The image of his mother looking away.

His mother doing nothing.

His mother. Doing.  _Nothing_.

" _Kaito-kun, answer me! Is something wrong? Is…is he_ ** _there_** _?"_

Kai can't hear Yagami, he's too focused on his Tou-san. He didn't see him last night. Only heard him.

The man hasn't changed a bit.

Pressed suit, slicked greasy hair, smug smirk.  _Smug tone_  as he says something to Kai when he nears him. Something he can't distinguish against the roaring in his ears.

He should respond to Yagami. He should maybe go inside to help his mother, the blood on Tou-san's knuckles speak of brutality Kai knows he possesses. He should call an ambulance then, incase his mother doesn't wake up. He should also probably run away, that's what Yagami would advise. There's a lot of things he should do.

He doesn't do any of them.

All the hate and anger Kai has felt -  _still feels_  - towards the man standing in front of him right now was leaking out. It was messy and vicious and wild and blind. A strong tang of copper pollutes his mouth and Kai hadn't even realised he was biting on his lip until a trickle of blood slips down his chin.

The world is red and hot and pulsing like a forest burning down. His blood roars in his ears and a dark, malicious part inside of him is laughing and screeching. His skin itches as he pushes back the swirling mess of his growing insanity.

The man takes a step towards him and Kai backs away. Shivering from either the rage or fear - not fear, that's impossible. Kai doesn't fear anybody.

"My boy," he hears him say and Kazuya's eyes turn to ice, "look how you've grown. It's like looking into a mirror."

Something cringes inside of him.

"Tou-san," Kai greets with the biggest, artificial smile he could manage.

He can't hear Yagami anymore and Kai doesn't bother to check whether he's hung up or not. He can't take his eyes off the man in front of him.

"Hmm," Tou-san cocks his head, absently wiping bloody knuckles on his dark blazer. "How's that boy you used to play with?" There was acid in his tone and Kai feels his heart stop. "What's his name again?  _Light_? Not still hanging with him, are you?"

"Would it matter if I did?" He asks, the itch becoming a rash.

"It would," he takes another step and this time Kai doesn't back away. He meets his Tou-san's glare with his own. "Considering his Tou-san was my arresting officer." The man places a hand on his shoulder and squeezes, leaning in so his breath brushes his ear, "I thought you were a good boy, Kaito. Do I need to remind you of your manners?"

Kai feels something hot and vile break inside of him, bursting through like a rushing dam. It wasn't the usual rage he feels, this one was heavy and pulsing and  _alive_. It was red and bubbling. Laughing and cackling. The itch he felt was gone. That should have worried him.

It really should have.

Kai jerks back, letting the burning readiness of his impulses drive his fist into Tou-san's face. The man collapses to one knee but Kai doesn't stop. There was a frenzied tide inside of him, an urgent desire to let this man know he couldn't hurt him anymore.

He doesn't stop until he hears the police sirens.

._._._.


	3. Introduction: Part 3

 

._._._.

"She promised to be good. She wasn't."  
― Justine Larbalestier

._._._.

Kai had lied about what happened with every part of himself.

On and on he went, spilling casual lies as though they were God's honest truth. Words slipping off his lips like warm honey. Sweet enough and tantalising enough to convince them.

Judging by the sympathetic,  _pitying_  looks he received from the Detectives handling the case, they believe him. Kai has to look down to keep his twinkling eyes from showing.

They think it was all in self-defence. That he was the victim.

It was hilarious.

It's almost enough to make Kai laugh when he's alone in the bathroom, having been given a change of clothes to wear. He was swollen with a feeling of content - nerve veins tingling and world bright.

It was an entirely new sensation. To let go. To let his cold blood warm, and let the raging fire inside take over. Allowing himself to submerge in the raw heat of anger - giving in to impulses he's been shoving down year after year.

It was intoxicating.

After a man from forensics came in to secure his bloodstained shirt - making sure nothing 'contaminated' the evidence while he was changing - Kai has changed into baggy sweatpants and a too-large police t-shirt printed with the English wording 'NPA'.

The rest of the proceedings are finalised and Kai is gently led to a police vehicle. He's not surprised to find Yagami-san standing by it, posture stiff and eyes locked anywhere but him.

Was he ashamed of him? Disgusted that he took a life? Kai knew Yagami-san's view on justice and his firm stance against the death penalty. To Kai's knowledge, Yagami-san has never once drawn his fire arm while on duty. He is adamantly against using death as a means for justice.

What does he think of him?

Kai isn't bothered about having the man's approval or not. But Kai would rather have it when considering the strain it would put on his and Light's 'friendship'. Having to sneak around all the time just to spend afternoons with Light would be ridiculously troublesome.

"Kaito," Yagami nods his head in acknowledgement when they're a foot apart. The man gives his escort a quick look and suddenly they're both alone under an old street lamp. "I'm sorry."

Kai's eyebrows climb when Yagami looks at him, their eyes connecting - and what Kai see's is a man who's bone tired. World weary.

"Kaito, I am  _so_  sorry."

Good Lord, "Wha - why?"

He laughs, thin and hollow. " _Why_?" Expression disbelieving and racked with guilt. "Why? Kaito, if I hadn't done my job correctly your Tou-san wouldn't have hunted you and your Kaa-san down. You wouldn't have had to try and protect her and ended up defending yourself." His eyes close and he takes a ragged breath. Sounding like he was pushing back tears. "Ending with your innocent hands and body  _soaked_  in the blood of your parent."

Kai 'ahh's in understanding. Should he let the man continue this pathetic guilt trip he was intent on riding out, or kill it right now and save save Light's family the grief of dealing with him like this?

He doesn't want to deal with Light's whiny ass for the next week.

He decides to snuff it out.

"It's not your fault, Yagami-san," Kai says earnestly, and he's surprised when he doesn't have to fake it. Because really, killing his Tou-san was a conscious decision, one of which he won't let Yagami take credit for. This was his first real kill, let him have this. "You did everything you could - "

"Kaito," Yagami sighs deeply, cupping his shoulders. "Kaito, don't - don't try to make me feel better. I don't deserve it."

"I'm  _not_ , you're being stupid. I know you Yagami-san, and I know that you would have tried everything in your power to save Kaa-san and me. Please -  _please_  don't blame yourself for what happened."

Yagami stares at him for a few moments, eyes glistening and smile sad. "You're a good kid, Kaito." With those words, he rounds the car and lets himself into the driver's seat.

Kai stands there, laughter bubbling at the back of his throat and face struggling to keep calm.

 _Him_ , a good kid?

He really tries not to laugh.

._._._.

The Yagami's had custody over him for the time being, meaning for the next couple of weeks until social service's pull their heads out of their asses and let Yagami have total custody, Kai would be sharing a household with a regular, white picket-fence family.

Kai, kin-murdering Kai, living with a happy  _moral_  family.

What a concept.

"I'm sorry about your Kaa-san, Kai-kun," Sayu mumbles into his chest after she comes flying at him from down the stairs. "She'll make it through."

Ah yes, one of the many obvious reasons why the Yagami residence was his current living space was because his Kaa-san was in a coma. Nobody knows when she'll wake up, and quite honestly Kai is rather firm on the hope that she doesn't.

"Of course she will, Sayu-chan." Kai says with a small smile, patting her on the head.

With a quick hug from Sachiko and couple of nicely said words, Kai's escorted up the stairs to Light's room by the quiet young man himself.

Odd, Kai would have thought his 'friend' would have at least played the part of a comforting human being. Maybe he was tired and grumpy from the unexpected intrusion on his school studies. That was probably it, going by the hard lines steadily growing around Light's eyes and forehead.

"We're sharing the bed," Light announces upon entering the room, swiftly seating himself on the desk chair and eyeing his textbook. "The futon would kill your back and take up room. My bed is big enough to fit the both of us but if you kick me or steal the covers I'll consider changing my mind."

"Noted," Kai drawls and closes the door behind him.

There was no need to unpack, his home was currently under investigation and nobody allowed him to take anything from his room. (Despite it not being the area of the murder or abuse.) Meaning all he had on him at the moment were the borrowed clothes off his back. He inelegantly flops down onto Light's bed and stares at the ceiling.

All was silent apart from Light's soft scratch of a pencil making notes and odd flick of a page from the textbook. If he strained his ears just so, he could make out the sound of Sachiko and Soichiro speaking softly downstairs and Sayu's music in the next room.

He listened, breathing heavily. Air going in and out of his nose. In and out in and out -

His heart beats loudly in his ears.

He killed someone.

_I killed someone._

_Yay me._

A little airy laugh fills the room and he hears Light stop writing. He laughs a little more, remembering the legitimate fear his Tou-san showed in his eyes before he bashed them into the back of his skull.

The man pleaded for him to stop, to spare him.

Kai never realised how  _good_  it would feel to hear him say those words.

 _'Please,_  God, _don't kill me.'_

"How did it feel?" Light asks after a few seconds, turning around in his chair. Gaze hard. "How did it feel to break one of our laws?"

He stops laughing and remembers.

_Law 3) never harm an animal._

To them, humans were no different from a house pet. And he just went above and beyond harming.

"Oh," a little chuckle escapes him. "Oops."

"Oops?" Light's tone is deathly calm and he stalks towards him, slipping off his chair like a cat and towering over him. " _Oops_? You broke a law, Kai. You fucked up."

"I'm a creature of action, Light," Kai leans up on his elbows, "I was going to kill someone eventually. Tou-san being my victim was just good fortune, I suppose. Besides, the thing we should be focusing on now is how I got away with murder." He cocks his head with a smirk. "Are you proud of your boy?"

Light scoffs, lips curled back in a snarl. "It was pure luck you didn't get arrested. From what I heard you bashed his brains in, that's a little more than 'self-defence' Kai. You're a Taekwondo instructor, there were many ways you could have gone about restraining him," Light bends over, planting his hands on either side of him and leans in. Breath rushing out as he says, "You should be in jail right now."

"I know."

Eyes dark. "I should kill you myself for doing something so insanely stupid."

"That's a bit of irony for you."

Light huffs out a laugh and after a few seconds he licks his lips, "How did it feel?" Repeats the question, eyes focused. Kai's smirk stretches. "How did it feel, ripping a life and memory from existence?"

Like massaging a knot in the back of his neck.

"Relieving. Thrilling, almost." he recalls absently, remembering the feeling of warm blood. "Although, I think next time I'll use a knife. It's more - "

"Intimate," Light breathes and suddenly Kai is wildly aware that there's no space between them. Their breaths hit each other, gaze heated and intense. "I feel I have to remind you though," he dips in more and Kai collapses back to avoid being touched. "There will never be a 'next time'."

Kai feels the dark rage bubble under his skin. "You don't own me."

Light eyes him dryly, pulling away and standing up. Vertebrae by vertebrae his spine curls back into alignment. "You're right, I don't. But I know you're smart enough to understand where I'm coming from."

Of course he does. He always does.

"We don't kill, because once we do - "

"We become reckless."

"We desire more."

And Kai can feel it. Deep in his chest. That driving force to kill again. It's small, barely detectable. But he knows it will only grow as time passed. He was in the cooling off faze, his hunger has been sedated.

For now.

He's killed and it's only a matter of time before he does it again.

From the look Light was giving him, he knew it too.

"We need to fix this," he says. "We need to contain it somehow." Speaking as though the darkness inside of him were a seperate entity. It…unnerved Kai to even think about it that way. A split personality? No thank you. "If that's even possible."

Which they both know wasn't.

"Crap."

Light hums in agreement.

._._._.

 


	4. Introduction: Part 4

 

._._._.

"Stars, hide your fires; Let not light see my black and deep desires."

― William Shakespeare

._._._.

It doesn't come as a surprise when his dreams are filled with the cries of his Tou-san. Begging and pleading for mercy. Grovelling at his feet. Snot and tears mixing in with warm,  _glittery_ , blood.

"Please, son, please don't kill me."

He could listen to that for hours.

" _Please_."

He raises his fist and, cause to effect, his Tou-san's eyes widen, breath coming in quicker.

"Please don't - don't - "

Kai's imagined this moment a thousand times in his head.

His Tou-san trembles.

" _Please!_ "

His fist drives down.

"Breakfast!" Sachiko draws open the blinds, sunshine floods the room and in unison Kai and Light groan, low and pained.

"Just five more minutes," Kai grumbles into his pillow, trying to push his dream back into place.

"I made your favourite~"

"…Natto with extra brown rice and fermented soy beans?"

Sachiko hums, leaving the room and Kai lays still for a while. Listing to Light slip out of bed, readying himself for the day with a methodical kind of precision. Body moving out of instinct, following a strict ritual only known to himself.

He listens, but all he could think about was the feeling of his knuckles smashing into skin. How his Tou-san's face folded in on itself like an origami.

He felt his body begin to shake and Kai blindly reaches up to cover his eyes with an arm. Breathing hard and steady, forcing his heart rate to slow down.

Fuck. He needed to get a hold of himself.

"Get a hold of yourself for Christ's sake," Light voices his thoughts. "If you act like this for the rest of the day you'll arouse suspicion."

"I know," he growls, taking meditative breathes. Focusing on the way his lungs and ribcage expand and contract with each inhale, exhale. "I'm fine."

"Convincing."

"Piss off," Kai throws his arm off, glaring at Light and slouching out of bed. "I need to borrow your school uniform. Mine's at the police station going through forensics."

"Fine, just don't get any blood on it."

"Funny."

._._._.

Everything was going fine at breakfast. Sayu was chatting animatedly at him about her recent drama starring Hideki Ryuga, and the rumours circulating about Misa Misa, a teen idol, being introduced as his love interest next year.

Sachiko keeps his plate full of his fermented soybeans and brown rice.

Soichiro was even at the table - a rare sighting - reading his newspaper and poking the occasional thumb at Sayu about her distressing obsession on Ryuga. Put in Light's quiet presence by his side - Kai was beginning to feel at ease.

The burning insanity of  _ferocious_  hunger that he had awoken with - to feel his Tou-san's blood gush over his face, lick his lips and wash his skin - had finally slinked back into hiding. Cooling down under the sheer normality of eating homemade natto with Light's family. There was no mention of his Tou-san or last night's incident. Everything was fine.

Then Soichiro put down the morning's paper and met his eyes.

"I talked to the school."

Kai set his chopsticks down and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

He was a fool to think last night wouldn't have a domino effect.

"They've agreed you should stay away for a while, to recuperate."

"That's not necessary, Yagami-san." Kai says, forcing his hands to tremble. Just a little . "I'm fine."

Sachiko and Soichiro share a look.

With practiced awareness of people's facial expression and reading the situaiton, Kai immediately understood their worries. He had just killed his Tou-san in 'self-defence'. His Kaa-san was in a coma - unlikely to ever awaken. These incidents were extremely traumatic, one of which he was a witness and victim to. Taking a couple of days off to process is a novel course of action. He should probably also see the school counsellor or get an appointment with a psychologist.

He understood, he just didn't care. Right now Kai didn't have an urge to act like the broken child they saw in him. Not completely, like he should.

Staying at home while Light goes to school -  _Light, my impulse buffer_  - sounded undesirable. It sounded  _boring_. With the way Kai was at the moment, he might just set something on fire to keep himself entertained.

Unlike what little this house had to offer for his entertainment, school had people he can play with.

Kai just had a traumatic experience, he could get away with anything right now. This wasn't an opportunity Kai could just pass up on. That would be against his very nature - it would be  _tragic_.

And he could always chock up his lack of appropriate response to 'lingering shock.'

_Oh Yagami-san, it just doesn't feel real._

Sounded about right.

._._._.

They call him brave.

Kai assumes Soichiro was taking about his grin-and-bear-it attitude when he repeatedly denies his and Sachiko's request to stay home for a couple of days.

"I need to feel in control," he tells them.

"You need to process," they say.

It goes on like that for a while.

In the end they cave.

Kai must have looked admirable, to see such a mature attitude as a so-called victim.

Throughout the entire spiel, Light eyes him as though he were looking at him for the very first time. And he has no idea how to react to that.

._._._.

When it came to social etiquette, a feeling of belonging was never especially important to Kai. This was because it was all too easy to enter and manipulate various social groups. Take it the populars, the otakus, the poor, the goths, the gangs, the extroverts, the introverts, the outcasts - he could play anything to their tune. He could be anything they wanted him to be.

In return, these groups gathered him access to things and places he never thought possible. His favourite example is the 'gangs': they exercised his abilities in lock-picking, car jacking, and extracurricular activities that would make many a mother clutch their pearl necklaces.

Point being, despite being in their good graces, Kai never had a place he'd immediately run to during lunch hours. When he got bored or the need to do something exciting hit him, he'd turn to the appropriate group and blackmail someone into entertaining him. This usually worked with leverage he got from either being too nosy, money he'd pickpocket'd off of some unlucky bastard in the street on the way to school, or as he's found recently, offering homework/assignments (lately he's decided to make it into a little business of his).

They had a give and take transaction. Very clean, very simple.

Alas, after so many years of going undetected in his merciless reign of blackmail and easy profit, somebody's felt the need to blow the lid.

_Class President Ari, you snitch._

Catching the small athletic build of a black-haired girl across the school's front lawn, Kai inhales his cigarette. Keeping the smoke in for a second before exhaling through teeth.

The things he could to do to her with a knife…

"Bitch," he mutters, leaning against his school locker while Light changed shoes opposite him. Kai's eyes meet his, and the message was clear.

_Don't do it._

He presses his lips against the cigarette again - smirking around it - inhaling, the little bud burning bright orange and, very deliberately bending down to blow the smoke at his face.

Light stares back unfazed.

"Ooh, is she your snitch?" Hisoka asks, raising his bulky camera around his neck to snap a picture of her. "How'd you find out?"

Kai straightens at his sudden appearance and appraises him for a moment.

Hisoka was an aspiring journalist and a year below him. He was also apart of the school's newspaper and currently working undercover on the 'selling assignments for money' story. Passing him information about the school's progress on tracking him down.

If somebody got too close to the truth, Hisoka or Ushio - somebody else in on the little 'secret' - would quickly spin a wild tale to throw them off track.

"Maa, somebody owed me a favour," he shrugs.

"Gang connections, eh?" Ushio saunters over, his tall legs filling the space between the hallway's door and lockers in one easy stride. "You need to teach me how to speak their language, Kaito-kun. They could get me places, if you know what I mean." He flashes him a charming smile, similar to Light's but without the emptiness behind it.

Kai likes Ushio, he was an enigma. The school's prized archer, someone who teachers speak highly about -  _oh that handsome young man? He's going places_ \- but also their loneliest outcast -  _it's a shame he doesn't have many friends though_.

He was a contradiction wrapped neatly in another contradiction.

Kai had stumbled upon him during a spat of extreme risk-taking behaviour last year. Light had a tennis tournament in another part of the city, so he was out of school for two days, leaving Kai with nobody to buffer himself against his most violent impulses. To make matters worse, he was having one of those 'bad days'. His Kaa-san brought home another rich narcissist who threw him out of the house, so he hadn't slept, hadn't eaten, and was ready to start a house fire with the zippo lighter he had stolen from one of those Seven/Eleven stores.

Since he had no place to go he was early for school - isn't he just a model student? - and heard noises coming from the gym. Bored out of his mind and needing a good distraction, Kai goes to investigate and witnesses their resident star outcast shooting arrows into a circular target. Situated in the bullseye was a very much holed out picture of a family photograph.

 _Domestic troubles?_  He had wondered in a sort of companionable bitterness. It was tangier than the honeycombed, homicidal one he had with Light.

[Not that he could ever dissect or put a name to what he had with Light in the first place. It always changed - but there was this devotion. This selfish, intense desire that tasted like his cigarettes. He needed Light to function. To keep him stable enough to remember what was right and what was wrong.]

So he intruded on Ushio's one-sided family dispute with mobile pointy objects and got the lanky kid talking. They traded family problems: Ushio developing this worried sort of look about him when Kai casually talks about how his Tou-san used to hit him before going to jail, and his Kaa-san was a leeching whore who worked off of sex. In turn Kai learnt about Ushio's family's expectations of him, how he was never enough to his narcissist of a Tou-san. That with his lack of popularity and interest in the same gender, he was sullying his name. And how his Kaa-san constantly nags him about working towards the olympics instead of playing computer games.

Unintentionally, by finding someone interesting to intern as a 'Light', Ushio had taken the heart to heart as an open invitation to being a friend. The kid didn't leave him alone that day and Kai didn't have it in him to oppose it. The itch under his skin to burn something was being mis-directed to the back of his mind with Ushio's talking.

The kid had issues, Kai could relate.

[But he was becoming a bit of a burden lately. Constantly looking to take up Kai's time in useless activities such as playing mindless soldier video games and watching predictable television narratives. He was beginning to get greedy and outliving his utility of being a fun distraction.

No matter, he'll soon be disposed of and routinely replaced.]

"I'm not using my blackmail material to get you into any clubs, Ushio-kun," Kai turns his attention back onto Ari. The girl was braiding her wet hair at the back, having ended swimming practice for the morning. Next she'd go to her locker, apply her watermelon flavoured chapstick in the little heart-shaped mirror she pinned to the door and meet up with her best friend in class. Then she'd organise her panda pens on her desk to the left hand side - she was a lefty - ascending in size. He knew more. He knew things he had business of knowing.

He wasn't allowed to stalk people, but he couldn't help himself from taking a peek. What harm could knowing do?

_I could find the perfect opportunity to corner her and take that pretty little braid by my hand and -_

Kai takes a sharp drag, nicotine rushing to his head and calming his mind.

"I'm sorry."

He forces his eyes to Ushio. The boy's expression showing signs of concern, caution, and sadness. A lot of those looks were being thrown his way this morning.

"I heard…coming into school, I heard some people talking at the gates and…"

"Aah," he tips his head back, blowing smoke upwards. Just near the smoke detector. "Don't worry about it."

"So it's true?" Hisoka bursts, the smaller boy dropping his camera. It thumps heavily around his neck. "Kaito-kun you-you - your Tou-san…"

Kai nods silently, watching the way Hisoka and Ushio go through the motions.

Light closes his locker door loudly in the chilling silence.

"And you're at school?" Ushio practically whispers. "You just kil - you just went through  _that_ , and they're making you go to school?"

"Nobody's making me do anything," he flicks ash to the ground. Staring at them unblinking. "And just to be clear," making sure his voice was loud enough to carry to other students. He'll be damned if people started making rumours. "I - I killed my Tou-san in self-defence. He came at me, I punched his ticket. The man was an abusive asshole, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened." Kai looks up again, pretending to have difficulty swallowing the next few words. "It was only a matter of time…only a matter…" He coughs and throws a wonky smile at his 'friends'. "Sorry."

"No," Ushio shakes his head, deep frown on his face. "Don't be. Sorry for asking."

"Yeah, man." Hisoka awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, looking flighty. "And don't apologise, it's unlike you."

He looks over Ushio's shoulders and winks at Light, who was staring at him weirdly again. Cocking an eyebrow in question, Light just shrugs and tugs on is bag.

"I'm heading to class."

"Oh!" Hisoka takes the window to change subject like a drug addict to heroin - ironically.

[Kai had come upon Hisoka by catching the boy a couple months dosing himself on his sister's stolen adderall in the school bathroom. After a moment of contemplation and curiosity, Kai asked if he could try some.

Hisoka had stared at him and wordlessly offered the little white bottle.

It was an interesting experience, and happily not within the boundaries of his rules. That didn't stop Light from making him throw up despite having already digested the pills, though.

The look of intense disappointment and disgust on his face was enough to make Kai never take drugs again. It somehow stung in ways he's never felt.]

Kai stays by the lockers for a moment, smoking and thinking. Light's seen him manipulate people before, sometimes he's even joined in on the fun. But those looks he was giving him…

As though Kai were a Matryoshka doll he's only just opened.

._._._.

The rest of the day was, as predicted, full of sympathetic eyes and softly spoken words. Some people avoided him, unnerved by being in the same room as a 'murderer', but most were empathetic to his plight. This reaction was most certainly coming from him being Light's best friend - the most popular kid in school. If he weren't, Kai believes he would have gotten a much more negative response.

It doesn't matter. Kai ignores them all. Filling his time thinking about Ari instead of his Tou-san. Throughout class, he couldn't stop staring at the back of her neck. The thin braid hiding bumps of her spine. A place he detachedly imagines severing her spinal column with. Slicing the two tendons connecting her skull to the collarbone. His knife sinking into her unblemished skin before she even knew what was happening.

Such an elegant way to go.

He imagines it would be a very different feeling to the aching soreness of knuckles against skull - unconsciously flexing his right hand. Bruises had manifested over night, purples patches surrounding healing scabs. He looked as though he had picked a fight with a brick wall and lost.

When fantasising loses its charm, Kai spends the next hour filling himself with vindication from seeing the glances of fear people give his hand. The horrid proof of the rumours. The evidence of his ability to take a life. Kai had crossed their little line of self-righteousness and instilled a feeling of weakness and bone chilling terror. Oh sure, they were sympathetic - but they were also very,  _very_  afraid. Of what he was capable of. They thought they knew, but he's crossed the line. He's in the darkness now where they're in the light.

And they can't see him.

They don't know him.

And it was everything he's craved of having. People afraid of him, letting him know he was the one in power and control.

His Tou-san dying was the most interesting thing he's ever done.

._._._.

It was snowing by the time Physical Education had rolled around, so instead of playing cricket outside like Maeda-sensei had planned, they move inside to play basketball.

Kai sits off to the side next to Light in the hall, people running about infront of them, panting and shouting like a pack of mindless animals. Sneakers screeching on the freshly mopped wooden floorboards.

His focus was solely on Ari though. The girl was refereeing with sensei on the sidelines. She was wearing the school's sweatpants and jumper. They looked big on her small athletic frame, swallowing her whole.

"Have you thought of ways to kill her yet?" Light asks in a dry tone, gaze on the match.

"Asphyxiation."

"She could scratch you while struggling."

"I'd cut her nails."

"Hmm, you said you'd do it with a knife next time," Light looks at him now, extremely curious and eyes piercing. "Where would you stab her?"

"I'd - " he stops short, feeling a quiver pass over his skin. Talking about it felt private. Felt  _wrong_. "I'm not sure yet."

Light inhales sharply. "The truth, Kai."

"It is."

"Kai," he drawls.

"I'm thinking the pancreas."

"That wouldn't kill her."

"Who said I wanted to kill?"

Light snorts.

"I'm experimenting." Kai shrugs. "Let me fantasise."

"Don't lie to me," Light practically growls, leaning in and Kai can feel the heat of his breath flush against his neck. "Don't  _lie._  To.  _Me_."

Kai's jaw clenches.

"I know you," he whispers intensely, and something tightens in Kai's chest. "I know  _everything_  about you, Kai. You should know that." The hairs stand up on the back of his neck. "And I know, despite that little black heart of yours and that hunger to destroy - to  _ruin_ , I know you don't like torture. You find it unnecessary."

Kai lets out a chuckle - mechanical sounding but some kind of attempt to unleash the odd sensation stuck in his lungs.

"So tell me the truth, Kai," Light, impossibly, leans further in. They were lucky everybody's eyes were on the game because Kai could feel Light's lips brush against his ear. " _Tell me_."

What would he do if he declined?

Kai's lips stretch into a cruel, unnatural, grin. " _No_."

Light freezes for a split second before laughing softly. "No?" He withdraws and Kai finally turns to him. Their eyes meet.

"It's a secret," he winks.

"I like secrets," Light says, gaze heavy. "Feel like telling me sometime?"

"Maybe,"  _maybe I'd give you a demonstration_.

His eyes slide to Ari and back again.

Light reads him like an open book, developing this sort of disapproving look his face. "It doesn't make sense to attempt something so risky. You could get caught." Always the rationalist.

"Aah, would I really, though?" Kai challenges. "I haven't so far."

"You got lucky."

"I'll be prepared this time."

"Don't," Light's tone his hard. "You know the rules."

Kai feels his face twist into a scowl. " _Fine._ "

"Kai, you know I'm right."

And he does. Not breaking the law and rules were logical. There  _was_  too great a risk he would get caught.

But Ari impeded on his relationship and liability with other students. He wants to take her down. He wants to  _ruin_  her and replicate what he had with his Tou-san. That intoxicating, rushing moment of life and control and other things blended together into a chaotic calm.

With great reluctance, he says, "I know."

._._._.

The streets outside of school were loud. Impatient. And crowded. Kai stands off to the side, away from running students as they steadily disappear out of school grounds. Identical brown blazers and colourful scarfs blending pass him in a haze. Kai leans against the cool metal gate, Light's red jumper underneath his blazer providing appropriate protection from the chill of snow and icy breeze. He stretches an arm out, loosening the tight fabric of the jumper. Kai was  _very_  fit, his muscles hard from use, leaving barely any area for fat to be seen. Where Light, well, he had muscle - but the kid was mainly skin and bones.

Kai resolves himself to never borrow Light's clothes again. They were  _tight_.

Glancing back, eyes searching, Kai grumbles around his cigarette.

Light was talking longer than usual.

He had been, daresay it,  _distracted_  during history. Of course, that might be because Light is genuinely terrible at that subject - despite his top notch scores. Though Kai has a feeling that wasn't it. Something had peaked his interest - Light had this expression about him. The one he got that one time during science class when they got to dissect a bull's eyeball.

The sun suddenly peaks through the clouds and shines in his face. Kai screws up his eyes, stumbles back and swears loudly. The cigarette slips from his lips and sizzles to death on the snowy ground beneath him. Red bud fading to ash.

"God  _dammit_."

Squatting down, Kai picks it up between his fingers and stares at the sodden stick.

Glaring up at the sky, squinting as he does so - he asks, " _Really_?"

A tall figure blocks the suns pathway, and Kai blinks before groaning. "Maa, took you long enough."

Light extends a helping hand, heaving Kai up. "I got sidetracked."

"What could possibly sidetrack you other than a dead body?"

"This," Light waves up a what looked to be a black notebook. Kai doesn't recognise it.

"Did you steal that?"

Light snorts. Offended by the notion that Kai would think he'd steal something so dull. " _No_."

"Then where did you find it?"

"I saw it fall from the roof during history, look," Light steps besides him and shows the cover - it's leather, nicely made and real to the touch as Kai traces the English wording.

'DEATH NOTE'

"Huh."

._._._.

 


	5. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oki, so I've decided to to an intermission because it's been a while and you guys deserve a chapter. This was originally supposed to be a long chapter but I've been getting writers block. Hopefully posting this will get me motivated :D 
> 
> Please leave a comment below!!!

_. _._._._

_A notebook that can kill._

 

Kai can only blink.

 

For a split second, he wants to believe. The idea - the mere _thought_ of being able to write a person’s name down and having them die is so fantastical, is so extraordinary, that is makes Kai’s heart rise in elation. He could kill Kaa-san. Erase a problem with the quick workings of a pen.

  
He can make her disappear from the world - _and nobody would suspect me_. After all, he’d have a perfect alibi - sitting in Yagami’s living room. A pen in hand and smile on his face. 

 

He could kill Ari.

 

He could kill Maeda-sensei.

 

He could kill.

 

So. _Easily_.

 

But.

 

But where would the excitement be in that? He wouldn’t feel their hot _hot hot_ blood on his hands. He wouldn’t experience that beautiful sensation of sweet release. All his pent up anger, frustration and tension letting go as he sinks his knife into their warm body. Dark crimson seeping and flowing down his hands, grip on the wood slipping - and that sound, like cutting an orange, as he pulls out and repeats. Over and over and over again, breathless and high.

 

“What do you think?” Light asks him. 

 

“Dull.”

 

“Thought so,” he mutters, snatching back the notebook and tucking it safely in his bag. “I’m going to test it, anyways.” 

 

“Maa,” he brings out another cigarette. Toying about it in between his fingers. “And what becomes of our laws?”

 

Light huffs out a laugh. “I don’t expect it to work. Besides, if the notebook does, by some miracle - then…” He shrugs, “I don’t think it would change anything. The notebook isn’t personal, it’s more like cause to effect really. All I’m doing is writing down a name and they _happen_ to die.”

  
“That’s why I don’t like it.”

  
“I know.”

 

They’re silent for a bit, and Kai can’t help but feel curious. He’s always wondered who Light had his eyes on. What type of victims he’d choose. Do they wear skirts, pants - blonde hair, black hair, while skin, dark skin - small, tall?

 

What was his type?

 

It was such a personal question, Kai begins to feel his palms sweat against the cold. 

 

“Who will you use it on?”

 

“On the news yesterday they announced the perpetrator behind the recent rave killings. He stabbed women wearing provocative clothing while they danced and disappeared into the crowd. They finally caught him on CCTV - he was a bar keeper.”

 

Kai rolls this new information in his head for a second. “Your type are criminals?” 

  
Light arches an eyebrow. “My ‘type’?”

 

“Maa, every serial killer has a type,” Kai states. Eyes narrowed curiously. He never would have guessed. “And your type are criminals. How…disturbingly noble.”

 

Light’s brow furrows, eyes glancing around. Mindful of eavesdroppers, but everyone was too busy in their own conversations and world to listen. “I’ve never really thought about it, it just makes sense. Killing people who nobody would miss. Police wouldn’t care if somebody started to snuff out the worst of the worst - they’d probably cheer me on. I would make their job easier to manage, a reassuring darkness in their life. And the public, tucked safely behind their mechanical screens, would turn me into some kind of heroic vigilante. It's just,” he rolls his eyes, “makes sense. I get to kill, people don’t care. Win win scenario.”

 

“You’ve thought about this a lot,” Kai muses, ghost of a smile threatening.

 

“Keeps me entertained.” Light sounds blasé, but Kai knows.

 

Oh. He _knows_.

 

And isn’t it fantastic?  


 

“For all the control you seem to show me,” he grins, stepping close and tipping his head forward. Tongue licking his lower lip, Kai says quietly, “You’re cracking at the seams.”

  
“Kai,” Light cuts, tone warning. 

 

“That perfect mask of perfection you wear like silk, is peeling away. Isn’t it? Your deceptively tight grip on that little self-manufactured conscience is slipping.” Kai was delighted just thinking about it. “You’ve been getting the itch, haven’t you?”

 

_“Kai_  - “

 

He silences Light by moving closer. Appearing a hair’s inch against him in one breath. They stare at one another. Breath visible and flushing their cheeks.

 

“You’ve been thinking about it more - what it feels like to kill.” His head dips down, eyelids fluttering shut as he _remembers_. “You won’t ever forget it.” He breathes.

 

Light watches him, giving him a look that is part intense and part something else. Kai can’t find the words. 

  
“You want me to kill,” Light whispers the truth, flushing Kai's face. “You want to _ruin me_.”

 

Kai doesn’t say anything, because he doesn’t have to.

_. _._._._


	6. Volume 1: Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooo! I did it! I finally finished this chapter. Took forever and I'm kind of procrastinating with my math homework but I did it. Hopefully you all with enjoy this. Please make sure to answer end of chap questions! I love to hear back from my readers.
> 
> Love you all :D

. _._._.

"And pity-people who inspire it in you are actually very powerful people. To get someone else to take care of you, to feel sorry for you-that takes a lot of strength, smarts, manipulation. Very powerful people."

\- Deb Caletti

. _._._.

Kai is all-too familiar with hospitals.

Their eternally cold hallways, dehumanizing treatment of patients, steely-eyed doctors and nauseatingly bubbly nurses who treat people like illiterate morons that can't speak for themselves.

Kai is well acquainted with hospitals.

This shouldn't come as a surprise. Considering who his father was ( _abusive, drug addict, rapist, headcavedinlikeacrushedcanandsuchbeautifulwarmblood_ ), a reptile with no care for his family's personal safety. From the ages of five to fourteen, Kai got into a number of 'accidents' involving 'falling down the stairs', 'bumping into things', and numerous excuses of his 'clumsiness'. All resulting in fractures and broken bones. Not that he cared. But point being.

Yes, Kai is accustomed to hospitals.

They grew on him.

He missed them.

After all…

. _._._.

_Death lingered there._

. _._._.

When Kai and Light return home, Yagami's police car is parked outside.

[Clue number one that something wasn't right]

"Otou-san," Light greets the man with a practiced smile when they stroll into the kitchen. "You're home early today," his eyes glance over to his Kaa-san curiously, observing the way she and her husband share cautious looks when Kai comes trailing behind.

[Clue number two]

"I take it you're not here to stay for dinner."

"No, Light," Souichirou sighs, nursing a cold cup of coffee on the table. How long had he been sitting there?

"Aah," Light frowns in faux disapproval, "Sayu won't be happy."

Souichirou's expression darkens for a second before continuing. "I'm here to pick up Kaito."

"But I have homework."

"I thought I told the school to not give you any." The man's tone cool. Even. Critical.

Possessive.

So. Much. Sentiment.

( _What would the man's expression be when I slice into his skin? The panicked realization of housing a monster that ate at his table. Touched his child. Slept under his roof._

_\- Face scrunched up, mouth open. Eyes too big and words too jumbled. Coming apart under his hands like clay. Voice stuck in a tangled, garbled words of whywhywhywhywhyItrustedyouKaiohthe taste of such immense betrayal. What would it taste like?)_

"Maa," Kai flaps a hand. "You did."

The man sighs, "Kaito. Don't push yourself, you're still recovering."

"I'm fine," Kai insists, faking a pitiful expression. "I just want everything to go back to normal."

Souichirou winces, "I'm sure you do, but – "

"We're concerned, Kaito," Sachiko says, placing a hand on her husband's shoulder and squeezing. "You went through something traumatic, you should be resting and not ignoring the…emotional strain it has given you."

_What?_

Hold up.

Was there something he missed? Was he not acting the part of a victim accordingly to their eyes? Impossible. He's watched and analysed victims of trauma every chance he got. He has been fantasizing about this for years.

_Was his performance not up to par._

The thought made something vicious in him churn.

"Kai's fine, Okaa-san." Light drapes an arm across Kai's shoulders and Kai unclenches his fists ( _when did I do that?)_  "I'm taking care of him. There's no need to be  _overprotective_."

Eh?

Aah.

… _Oh_.

Kai shifts uncomfortably. This was…awkward. Embarrassing.

So this is what overprotection felt like on the receiving end. Needless worrying and concern? How…tedious.

He's never had anyone worry about his feelings before. His family always knew there was something missing in him, that he was empty. An important part of being human squared away somewhere. So they didn't bother.

That and they just generally didn't give a fuck.

"If you're sure…" Oh.

And there it was, that uncertain, flickering tone of voice.

A production of concern being aimed at him.

It was a little much, really.

Sachiko squeezes Souichirou's shoulder again, and the man coughs. Glancing up at her for a moment before seemingly making a decision.

"Honey, I trust Light's judgement."

A truly brilliant display of a decade's work of meticulous manipulation. He could almost see the strings attached to the man.

"As smart as our son may be, he doesn't know how to handle - "

"I think he does."

It was glorious.

"Are you two going to start fighting?" Light asks gingerly. "Because if you are then we'll just go upstairs – "

"No, Light," Yagami stops them. Rubbing in-between his eyes and giving his clearly upset wife a  _look_. "We're not going to fight." She harrumphs, turning away. "I came here to get Kaito, not argue."

Light inches forwards. "Take Kai where?"

Souichirou pauses, hesitating. He rocks back in his chair, face smoothing out into an easily recognisable expression.

Sympathy.

[Clue number three]

"I thought you would like to see your Kaa-san."

Kai takes a breath. Fighting back the hysterical laughter he feels prickling underneath his skin like insects.

Light's grip tightens. And Kai exhales.

. _._._.

Ultimately, he doesn't have a say in the matter. How could he deny seeing his Kaa-san he so  _desperately_  loves, and still appear humane?

But in the same sense, it is extremely ironic that to appear humane, he's visiting the woman he is indirectly responsible for hurting. Almost killing ( _why couldn't that man have hit harder? Did he get a muscle twinge? Had he gotten lazy in prison?)_

Normally Kai doesn't bother taking responsibility for things. He finds it too troublesome. A waste of time. Takes the fun out of things.

For this though, he might make an exception.

Taking responsibility for indirectly putting his Kaa-san into a coma sends perverse pleasure rushing through his bones. His insides tingle and hands shake.

Maybe seeing her won't be so bad after all.

. _._._.

Since when has anything ever been that easy?

. _._._.

Honestly, she didn't look half as bad as he thought she would. The purple welts and glaring white casts suited her nicely.

( _Made it easier for her to not run away_  )

Kai quickly backtracks and scowls. He wasn't here to kill her ( _but maybe, just apply a little pressure to the oxygen valve – stop it!_ ). He was here to satisfy whatever virtuous feelings Yagami had rudely grown.

Peeking over his shoulder to the doorway, he notices the man had left. Probably to 'give him some space'. Maybe a coffee run. That man does like his coffee.

Looking back at his motionless Kaa-san, withering away under the bed sheets, he rocks back on his heels. Humming.

The satisfaction was still there, bubbling away under his skin like lava, but that animalistic darkness was craving more. It always craves more.

[It. Never.  _Stops_.]

 _Kill her,_ it taunts _._

And there was so much rightness in those two little words that Kai almost sighs. A feeling of home greeting him in the dark. _(it's eerie hand reaching out and caressing his cheek)_

_You know how to do it._

And he does. Oh he does. Kai's eyes burn his Kaa-san's beaten face. Dozens and dozens of ways he could end her -  _violently – seizing - gagging_  - shouting in his mind.

They were all very convincing.

He stands still, looming over her and allows a calm purpose to take over. He had to do this. He needed to do this.

Image after image of past fantasies bleed into reality at once. Overlapping her face and filling him with an almost gleeful gratification. He's holding her down, hands wrapped around her throat and watching, observing, gauging her expression of horror. Grinning as the capillaries burst like burning stars in her eyes and face turning an exciting shade of red. Now he's digging his knife into her heart, feeling the metal slice through layers and layers of tissue and muscle and  _veins_. His body shivers. He imagines the feel of slicing her vertebrae. How right that would feel.  _How right that would feel_

God.

How many times has he wanted to do this? How many times has he imagined this?

If only he had a knife, then that would really be perfect. But he will make do with what he's got.

He is nothing if not versatile.

"Don't panic," Kai whispers to her.

He doesn't know when it happens, but he somehow ends up holding his Kaa-sans breathing tube in his hand and  _clenching_.

He waits. Standing there. Watching. Mental clock ticking down, down,  _down_  -

"Are you her son?"

And all too suddenly –  _why why why whyletmedothisletmekillher_  - everything disappears.

Gone.

As though his megalomaniacal rage were a balloon and someone had popped it. Kai feels a terrifying emptiness settle inside his chest and it's  _cold_.

He wanted –

He just –

Kai drops the oxygen valve. Unmoving.

"Are you Kaito-kun?" The young, womanly voice behind him asks again. Tone filled with an innocent curiosity that Kai wants to  _break and tear into but he can't_  because – because she –

She stopped him from making a horrible mistake.

She stopped  _something_  within him and it's gone and he's cold and -

Kai looks up. Letting out an airy laugh.

What just happened?

"Keiji Yagami* told me you would be visiting her today, I thought it would be appropriate to introduce myself to you since I will be the one taking care of your Kaa-san until she recovers." He feels her approach and makes no move to turn around. "My name is Nishina Eri, please feel free to use informal speech with me. I have a feeling we will get along well." She giggles.

So.  _Sweetly_.

Kai's hands curl into fists.

"Maa," he breathes, unwilling to look at her. Out of what? Shame? Ridiculous. Anger? Maybe. Frustration? Probably. Disgust? No question about it.

At her and himself. At her for obvious reasons. And at himself for – for being such an idiot at almost getting caught by this type of person. So easily too. So fucking clumsily God he was such an impulsive  _idiot_. He could feel his brain leap off its tracks and topple to the floor in genuine befuddlement.

How did this happen?

Was his control really slipping that much?

"Possibly," Kai says. Voice coming out soft from the struggle of mentally putting himself back together like humpty dumpty.

How pathetic.

"I know so," she says. "I've heard great things about you from Keiji Yagami."

"Great things," he echoes, willing himself to shut up. "Funny."

"Hmm?"

"Nothing."

. _._._.

He wanted to hit someone. He wanted to hit Yagami and the car door and ram this stupid vehicle off the road or drive it into some random pedestrian.

But he doesn't.

Instead Kai stews silently in the passenger seat all the way home. Taking no notice at how Yagami glances at him in periodically.

When they get home he wastes no time in marching upstairs. The moment he enters the bedroom he brings a cigarette out and lights it.

"Hey," Light snaps at the pungent scent of cancer. Jabbing a finger to the patio door from his hunched position at his desk. "Out there or I'll choke you."

Kai glowers around his cigarette and makes a show of exhaling a decent amount of smoke before flinging the door open and stepping out into the cool evening air. His socks crunch on the snow collected from the day. Soaking through and stinging his feet for a moment before turning a blissful numb. The pain distracted him.

"Aah let me see," Light rolls his chair into the doorway. Nimble hand twirling his pen in the air. "Problem with Kai number twenty four: You nearly killed your Kaa-san."

Kai whirls around. "How the fuck?"

The pen drops. "What the fuck."

"How did you know?!"

"I was joking Kai," Light stares at him. Looking as though he couldn't quite believe someone would attempt manslaughter so many times in a single week. "What would possess you to do something so,  _so_  –"

"Idiotic?"

"That is too small a word to describe what level of idiocy this is."

"Aah, I digress." Kai tries a smile and blinks at the glower he receives.

"I am marginally,  _marginally_  impressed at how you aren't in jail right now," Light continues on, expression suddenly of resigned apathy. "So. What exactly happened? Tell me or -"

"You'll choke me?"

The smile he gets promises pain beyond that.

Kai coughs and leans back against the patio banister. "I almost got caught."

"You what."

"I cut off Kaa-san's oxygen valve – "

"Oh?"

Kai archen an eyebrow at the stupefied tone. "What?"

"That's a little…" Light cocks his head. "Juvenile. Unimaginative. Dull. I expected more."

"Aah?" He breathes out a laugh, waving his cigarette in the air theatrically. "Were you expecting me to maim her with a plastic fork? String her up by the bed linen? Electrocute her with the heart monitor and turn her into cooked meat? Or better yet, gauge out her eyes and make her choke on them?"

Light makes a 'so-so' gesture with his hand.

"You're fucking kidding. Where would I have gotten the time to do all that without getting caught?"

"With your stupid luck I wouldn't put it past you," Light grudgingly admits.

Kai clucks his tongue, inhaling his cigarette and breathing out through his nose. "Anyway, there I was, clutching her oxygen valve when this nauseatingly happy nurse walks in and catches me."

"Did you kill her and hide the body?" Light abruptly asks and Kai flounders stupidly at the bewildering question. "I don't see any blood on you, so strangulation?" And Light is in front of him. Eyes ranking over his body like he was a live specimen. "You do love intimate kills. But she must have fought back, victims always fight back. It's written into our DNA to live at whatever the cost – we're selfish like that.  _Although_ , you are very proficient when it comes to fighting. You could easily overpower everyone. How did you do it?"

He stares at him for a long second and Kai doesn't say anything, just stares back.

Wondering why he felt warm standing in the snow.

"Oh," and Light grimaces sadly, "you didn't."

He laughs bitterly when Light sits back down. "I thought you would be pleased I ended up without a body count today."

"I am," Light nods, "I just get curious and excited." He admits shamelessly, "Besides, if you don't get caught. What's stopping me from enjoying hearing about a little bloodshed."

"What's with the sudden change of tune? Not a couple of hours ago you were preaching about our laws and risks." Kai huffs, "It was annoying."

Light goes silent for a moment, face vacant of emotion. Resembling a porcelain doll with nothing behind the eyes.

"…It worked."

Kai flicks ash onto the snow. "What worked?"

"The Death Note," he says. And slowly, shadows curve. Digging into his face and carving out a grotesque smile. "Harada Satou is dead."

Kai couldn't quite hear it, but he swears Light was laughing. A wheezing, sort of whispery little giggle edging on manic.

"And I killed him."

. _._._.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Harada Satou is the rave killing guy Light imagined to kill in the previous chapter. And incase any of you were wondering, Kai's real name is Kaito. But his nickname is Kai.
> 
> Questions:
> 
> What was your favorite part of this chapter?
> 
> How do you imagine Kai fitting in with the Death Note storyline?
> 
> Is Kai a realistic character?! (I'm a little self-conscious about this so any helpful criticism would be much appreciated)


	7. Volume 1: Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends,
> 
> This chapter took a bit of work and five drafts with different plot lines. It's difficult trying to twist an entire story into something different and make it readable XD
> 
> Hope you enjoy and please comment at the end!

 

 

. _._._.

"I believe the day Einstein feared the most is when people circulate pictures of dead bodies of relatives on WhatsApp and get Thumbs Down and Crying smileys as response."

― Ketan Waghmare

. _._._.

It was a moonless night sky.

Clouds had passed, sun had dropped and all but a few street lamps were lit. Two figures pass by. Shadows breathing in and out as they move. Coiling like stalking monsters ready to pounce. In and out they came, following the silent couple.

" _And I killed him"_

Snow crunches and shouts under their weight.

" _And I killed him"_

An echo on repeat.

A ringing in his ears.

Kai shuts his eyes. Conflicted.  _So very conflicted it was like he was being torn from the inside out_.

He should be ecstatic. Light...

" _And I killed him."_

A shiver runs down his spine and he twitches. Something hot squirms its way up inside and he has to swallow to keep it down.

This was… Light killed someone.

" _And I killed him"_

He killed someone.

" _And I killed him"_

With a fucking notebook.

" _And I killed him"_

A notebook –  _not possible_.

" _And I killed him"_

Kai feels something  _wrong_  clench inside of him. As though he was suddenly fighting off a virus.

"Say something," a voice bursts from behind and Kai twists around, noticing Light had stopped a few feet away. Expression unreadable and shadowed under the fluorescent street lamp.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Anything other than this petty silent treatment."

"Petty?" Kai repeats, eyes narrow. "I'm  _processing_  you murdering someone in such a - " he cuts himself off, face scrunching up in disgust.

Light arches an eyebrow, "wow," he says. "You're unbelievable. You're angry at me for my method of  _killing_? That's what this was all about?" He tilts his head back and scoffs. "Wow, you are frustrating."

Kai just stares at him, suppressing a violent urge to slam Light against the wall and shout in his face.

If what he said was true, then doesn't he realize what he's just done?

He killed someone with  _pen_  and _paper._  No beauty. No chaos. No desire. No brutality in it whatsoever –  _what was the fucking point of it all?_  Light didn't even get to look the man in the eyes when he died. He never got to witness such –

Such life. Control.

Light never got to feel or smell the gushing insides of a human being. Never got to cup the person's face and trace the way their skin creases with their screams and cries of anguish and pain, listen to their beautiful pleading  _before slicing into flesh and_ -

Kai's not the religious type, but he considers this a heinous sin.

"Are you certain he's dead?" He asks, hoping that the man wasn't. Maybe if the person's still alive –  _that this 'Death Note' was a bunch of delusional crap_  - he could prove to Light –

"No, but I," A flash of  _something_  crosses his face.

"But you…?" Kai edges on, eyes narrowing even further.

"I could feel it."

A startled laugh bubbles from his mouth. "So he's not dead." Good. That's good. He could find out where this asshole lived then. Knowing Light wasn't opposed to the idea of murdering someone anymore –  _there was a hard and powerful drumbeat in his heart, born from excitement and anticipation. His mouth was moist - almost salivating at the blissful, fulfilling thought of watching Light slash away at his victim and_ _ **understand**_ _his way of killing was better –_ Kai knew it wouldn't take much to nudge him in the direction of homicide.

He had to do this.

For Light.

That's what friends were for, right?

[God. First he takes up his Tou-san's responsibility of Kaa-san, and now he's doing somebody a favour.

How disturbing.]

"No," Light's eyes darken. "I  _know_  he's dead. I can tell."

Kai gives him a reasonable expression.

"It was like a part of my brain could sense something had happened – like spotting someone in your peripheral vision."

"Yeah, that was what little sanity you had finally going off the deep end, you miserable bastard."

"Kai," Light frowns, eyes wounded. "Don't you trust me?"

"That kicked puppy look doesn't work on me you crazy fuck," Kai scoffs and continues the walk to the bus stop. "I'm not one of your dopey-eyed girlfriends you can twist to your liking." He hears Light huff before his footsteps catch up.

"If you don't believe me, then lets skip cram school and I'll show you the body."

That makes Kai pause.

If that person was alive…If Light finds out this person was actually alive –  _what would he do?_ He would be angry. No. He would be  _infuriated_  and Kai wouldn't have to do anything except be a guiding hand in the background, manoeuvring Light like a silk thread as he finally  _breaks_.

The prospect of it actually happening was enough to make his palms sweat in flustered anticipation. This was all so suddenly personal, Kai found it hard to maintain a calm expression.

"Alright," he pretends to sound challenging. "But if this person is alive, we're burning that goddamn book and you owe me a favour."

"And if he is dead, and the notebook has proven to work…" Light smirks at him, all smug and charming. "You'll owe  _me_  a favour."

Kai smirks back, digging a hand out from his pocket and propositioning it. "Deal."

Light's own comes out to meet him. "Deal."

. _._._.

A corner from Kyōto Prefectural Police, the bus comes to an abrupt halt. The driver swears, red and blue lights reflect off glass and bounce across the air. Red engulfs Kai's vision in the most ominous way possible.

In front there was a blockade. A police officer stood waving a light, shouting something.

Passengers begin whispering to one another.

"What happened? Why'd we stop?"

"There's an ambulance behind her – oh…  _did somebody die_?"

"Hey, they're rolling out a gurney."

"Gosh, wonder what happ –"

The driver shuts off the engine and opens the door with a single tug at the lever. The police officer steps around. Well-polished shoes glint in the angry lights, following a bedraggled face. Everyone goes silent.

"Officer," the old bus driver starts. "What's – "

"I can't go into any details," the woman's clipped tone interrupts. "This lane will be cleared off in a couple of minutes, you can either stay here and build up traffic or turn around and go on another route."

"That will delay me," the bus driver grits his teeth. "This is my second last stop and the last one is ages away. If I go off on another route that will take more than ten – " He stops at the way she scowls. "New route. Got it Officer, no problem."

She harrumphs before stepping down, metal door shutting behind her loudly. The bus driver mutters something under his breath, starts the engine and turns the bus around the narrow lane.

Kai pulls out a cigarette and shoves it in his mouth.

"You can't light a cigarette in public," Light cocks his head, grinning widely. All teeth and gaze hyper. He was delighted. "So, now do you believe me?"

Kai just grunts. Feeling something akin to sorrow wash through him –  _Light_ ,  _you_ _ **idiot**_ – then alarm.

The 'Death Note' works.

_How?_

He wasn't religious, he wasn't into the occult or supernatural. Neither of them were.

But what else could explain this atrocity?

. _._._.

They end up sitting outside a convenience store drinking coffee and smoking. Backs resting against cool wood, knees bent and arms dangling over them. Ten minutes pass, their coffee is half-empty and long forgotten on the ground.

"I think," Light begins, breaking the heady tension between them, "that fate gifted us this book."

Kai squints at cars passing by and inhales cigarette smoke.

"I told you two days ago that we were destined for something better than  _this_ ," he gestures wildly in front of him. As though he could see something Kai couldn't.

He exhales, glancing at Light. Unmoved.

"This messy, boring world. We're better than them –  _we are_  better than them. The Death Note proves it," he grins. "It can't be a coincidence I just  _happened_  to find it. Out of anyone in the world, the school, I saw it drop from the sky. I picked it up. A psychopath and a sociopath both happening upon a notebook of destruction. Tell me this wasn't predestined."

Kai wants to, but his mind was too busy reorganising itself with the newfound discovery of the supernatural.

_What a clusterfuck this day has turned out to be._

"I'm going to keep using the Death Note."

...uh huh.

Closing his eyes Kai tilts his head back against the wood. Inhaling deep and polluting his lungs the best he could. Trying to push back the boiling impulse to grab Light by the throat and yell in his face.

No.

He couldn't do that. Loose control like that. Not again.

[Especially on Light.]

"I'm going to kill every criminal in the world."

…God.  _That_  again.

_What a dismal design._

Like putting an eagle in a cage and locking it up.

"Gain public trust – win over city officials and become the most powerful individual in the world. Nobody will be able to stop us. We'll be able to walk free with no masks on because everybody will see us as something Devine. Nobody will know of our nefarious intent. Our behaviour would be seen as prodigious." Light's grin widens like a predator finding new prey. "We could start and end wars, we could cause chaos and end it – because we'll be Devine. We'll be Gods of a new world."

 _Oh fucking_  – Kai coughs against the smoke building up in his lungs and take out the cigarette. Breathing fresh air and thinking.

Light's megalomaniac tendencies was making a full appearance tonight. Another day and Kai would have found great amusement and joy out of it, but right now…

Kai took a deep breath and  _thought_. He couldn't just take Light's Death Note away, Godly gifted or not that book was poison. No artistic abilities or beauty in it. Killing by a name? Unseen, unnoticed, like he never even did anything.  _Hah!_ Light was better than that.

Light needed to see that –  _you stupid boy, out with these dirty ideas and in with the good!_  – and Kai was going to prove it.

He was going to show Light.

_I'll paint all of Japan red until he understands what it means to kill._

[And the monster inside of him roars with delight]

"Yeah," Kai plays along with Light. Insides vibrating and cheeks stretching like a rubber band. "Gods."

Light hums happily, reaching over his knees to pick up his coffee. It slushes unforgivingly. "I fucking hate this stuff."

"I could offer you a cigarette."

"Hand me one of those and I'll shove it down your throat."

"Maa maa~ so sensitive."

Light chucks his coffee at him and Kai wishes he had kept his mouth shut.

. _._._.

Across the ocean sat a young man illuminated in front of a computer screen. He was positioned uncomfortably on the chair, knees to chest and back preposterously arched. His scrawny frame was buried under a white stained jersey ten sizes too large and dusty blue slacks that sagged heavily around his waist.

Perfectly round eyes glared, ghoulish hand clicking and typing as he corresponded with contacts around the globe. Searching for something, anything that would relieve him of his monotony.

Someone knocked at the door.

"Yes, Watari?" his voice droned.

An old man strolls in with a tray of treacle tarts.

"Aah?" dark eyes stray over as it's positioned next to his keyboard. "No strawberry cheesecake?"

"Sadly not, L." Watari replies, tone appropriately sombre. "Naturally, you finished the last piece this morning."

He was met with guilty silence.

"Oh…Did I?"

"Certainly."

"In that case, would you – "

"I will venture out first thing tomorrow morning and visit your preferred bakery."

"Thank you, Watari." L peeks up. The old man smiles back, lines creasing around his eyes in a way that can only be described as soft.

"My pleasure."

L turns back to his screen and begins typing a response to his contact in Brazil, when he notices something odd.

"Is there anything else, Watari?"

"Hmm?" The older man hums genially. "Oh nothing really. I'm just wondering when you will decide to unlock yourself of this hibernation you appear to have wedged yourself into." He eyes the drawn curtains and dusty room with no little distaste.

"When I feel like it."

Watari puffs out a breath. "I see." With that the man turns heel and strides from the room.

Leaving L motionless at the table and staring at a treacle tart. Mind far away in thought. In a single click, L brings up a live video feed. It showed a white padded room and a man retrained lying in the middle.

Red eyes glare up at the security camera, mouth stretched into a crooked grin.

L takes a bite into his treacle tart.

And glares right back.

. _._._.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L and co. is making an appearance! Whoo~
> 
> Thoughts? Feelings?


End file.
